Blessings in Diguise

So this is my blog. A blog of my journey of becoming an instant mom to three wonderful and delightful children. I've shared funny stories, some of my favorite memories, our struggles, our battles and life. I know that I maybe haven't been the best "Poster Mom of Foster Parenting".

My journey began nearly 10 years ago. It began with my husband and myself having a desire to have children in our home. We wanted children to share life with. We looked forward to the activities, the bedtime stories, the vacations and being able to spend time with our kiddos. I wasn't able to have my own children.

My husband and I went down the long road of infertility. We met with various doctors. We tried various procedures. We went to various specialists. We still were unable to have our own children. There were many times where things seemed helpless. There were times when I felt that family and friends really couldn't understand what I was going through. There were comments said to me that cut my heart deeply.

After essentially "giving up" on having my own children, I was told that I was pregnant. I was having such incredible pain that I had an urgent care trip to the doctor's office. They had me do a pregnancy test and sent me home. When I received that phone call, I didn't believe the nurse. It took nearly 15 minutes for me to realize that she wasn't just calling me up and pranking me.

Just like as quickly as I was pregnant, I found out two hours later that I was miscarrying.  It was a blessing as I couldn't have my heart and mind set on being pregnant. It just all happened so quickly.

By then, I really was done with trying to have my own children. My husband and I began to look into adoption. I did not like the idea of domestic adoption. International adoption was just so expensive. We began to look into special needs adoption. We learned that many of the children with special needs came out of the foster care system.  Which then lead us down the foster care path.

It's been a rocky journey. Or maybe it's just been more of a roller coaster. Going into foster care with the hope of adoption is wearing your heart on the outside.  It's a different mentality than fostering just to foster (help kids).  Loving these children for the past three years has been a huge blessing. Yet, because they are not officially "mine" I do worry that they could be taken away from me. They could be returned home. Sure, it's unlikely, but in the same way, the system is unpredictable.

Unlike my story, my step-sister has had a different experience.  She recently received her placement of a pair of siblings earlier this year. They were already getting ready to begin the TPR (Terminating Parental Rights) process. (In comparison, it took over 2 years for us to get to the TPR process).  Last week, the birth mother of her kiddos voluntarily terminated her rights. My sister was then given an adoption date in November.  All of this happened in less than one year of time.

I admit it. I am a bit jealous. After waiting for nearly 10 years to have my own kiddos, and having these kiddos for 3 years and still not having it official... it's hard for me not to be a little jealous. But I see the blessings. You see, at first when my sister wanted to become a foster parent, I was a little put out that she didn't talk to me about it. Now I see why. Maybe I would have discouraged her because of my experiences. I know I am not the "Poster Mom" of "Become a Foster Parent".  In fact, I would probably tell people to become a foster parent if they want their heart put in a blender.  So I am glad that my sister became a foster parent to two wonderful children. Her husband and her are great parents. I really am happy for them that things went so smoothly. It gives me hope that maybe not the entire system is broken.

It is the blessings. Even in my story. If I had given birth to my own kiddos, who knows what I would be like now. I love my three kiddos. I learn every day from them. They are my blessings. And my family is blessed beyond measure with these five incredible children. God's plans are so much sweeter and better.