Strength

There are those moments, where as a mother you wish for the strength that your children see in you. I don't feel as strong of a person as they picture me to be. I feel like my knees just gave way to me.

Today, we went to court. We hoped to finish the 2nd phase of the TPR hearings (best interests). After three hours of sitting at court, we accomplished very little.  Essentially we heard motions that were denied. It took up all of our time to hear the disposition phase. So now we are scheduled out for more than a month again.

Add on top of it, the caseworker who couldn't acknowledge our even being there. She couldn't say hi. She couldn't ask how the kiddos are. This worker who doesn't want this TPR to occur.

I'm just weary. I'm so tired. I just don't want to go on with this broken system anymore.

It's my kiddos though. They can't have me give up. They need to trust some adult in their life. Someone who is going to love them regardless of what all the people in the courtroom do.  They help me keep moving forward when I feel tired and just want to be done with it all.

When people consider foster care, they seem at first afraid of the kiddos. What will be they be like? What will be their behaviors? Can I handle that?  To set the record straight, my children are a huge blessing to me. They are such a gift.  It's the court system, the bureau, the lies, the mistrust of other adults... that's what makes being a foster parent hard.

"In my daughter's eyes,
I am a hero, 
I am strong and wise, 
And I know no fear,
But the truth is plain to see,
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I want to be, 
In my daughter's eyes" 
~Martina McBride "In My Daughter's Eyes"