Constantly Moving

I don't hold still.  I like to constantly be in motion. Going from one thing to the next. I like to take on projects and get them done, with eager anticipation for what's next. I don't like to wait. I don't like to linger. I like closure and I like things to fit into nice neat categories.

Life is moving on all around me. Things are changing.

First of all, it's fall. The kiddos have gone back to school. This year, my oldest started middle school. She is adjusting to having to walk to school instead of having me drive her. She has started cross county and dance lessons. She is adjusting to having a locker, various teachers, and a lot more classmates. It's the first time since the twins started school, that she doesn't have them in school with her.

The twins are adjusting to their new school year. For them, it's the loss of having big sister around. It's switching classrooms. Princess is in a 2/3 split classroom which allows her to make some new friends. They are back to gymnastics and soccer.

Our old caseworker returned to us. She doesn't just like to stir up things, rather it's more like a hurricane coming at us. With her own agenda, her own point of view, it doesn't seem to feel like anything other than that matters.  It's caused a lot of short lived escalated trauma to our household right before the return of school.

I'm working on making myself healthier again and taking more time to take care of me. (This is so much easier when the kiddos are at school). I'm trying to get those habits in place so I can maintain it.

What feels different this time?  I don't feel like when the changes around me are going on, that I'm being shaken. I don't feel like I'm being blown around. When I got another outrageous email from the case worker... I didn't get upset. I choose to ignore it for a day. Then slowly work on it until I could essentially pass the it off to other people for their expertise.  While I'm not shaken, and I'm not being blown around... I have a peace in me. One that I've struggled to find in these circumstances before. God is with me.

I feel that I've had to make some hard choices in the past months. Some that hurt my heart. God is there giving me peace and leading me closer to Him. Through prayers and devotionals, I'm finding that I am rooting myself to His truths. It has made so much of a difference to me. I'm not worthy that He would be concerned with my day to day life. Yet, He has showed up. I have mountains to yet climb, but He has given me so much more strength than I thought I had.