Fumbling Around... Making Messes

Sometimes, we fumble.  We make messes.  We screw it all up.

Even this morning, I watched my son fumble through his morning.  Clearly he is nervous, excited, scared and possibly a whole lot of emotions.  He's supposed to see his biological great grandma in the hospital.  So this morning was a difficult one for him.  He didn't really eat his breakfast.  He made a lot of messes.  He got milk in his glass of water. His napkin was soaked.  He was a mess.  He also couldn't follow any directions this morning. I was still at school when they came in from outside.  He was already down in the health room before I left because he "bonked" heads with another classmate. I suspect he was acting a little crazy because of his nerves.  Who knows how his day will continue to go.

But I fumble it up too.  I screw up big time and often.  I found my self being more grouchy this morning by his "fooling around" and "not listening" then being filled with compassion.  I was mad at myself for expecting that he could actually handle eating breakfast.  I probably should have just sat at the table with him as maybe, just maybe, that might have helped calm his nerves.

I fumble it up with my hubby.  I don't always listen to what he has to say. I'm stubborn.  When I hurt I get in a funk and it's harder to pull me out.  I often wish he could see my side of things more clearly.

I fumble it up with friends. I never have the right words to say. I don't know how to make things right.  I feel like I get myself into a spot were I feel like I'm walking on egg shells and I can't navigate my way through the trails we find ourselves in.

My fumbling makes messes.  When I'm not walking steady, I'm making messes.  The more hurt I get, the more hurt the people around me seem to be getting.

Lord, I know I screw it up. I can screw up all the good things in my life. I need you in my life to help me walk steady and to stop fumbling. I need light for my path. I need strength and courage to face the trails in my life with hope and peace.  Without you, there is no joy, no peace, no love.  Pour your compassion into me, so my cup overflows and I am able to pour your compassion onto others.  Amen.