For a year, things have been mostly quiet. The girls refused to go on any visitations. The boy went on two additional visits just to see if his mother would do something for his birthday and was sadly disappointed. Then he stopped going to visits. The visitation workers would call, the kiddos would still refuse. By fall, a judge decided that visitation should be by mutual desire. So the calls stopped. Everything stopped. It was calm, peaceful. It was an illusion of what could be. A family... without interruptions.
Then we had court this week. The first needle entering my balloon. Sure, the fathers are absent and therefore in default. Their mother present and willing to drag this out for a fight. Then the second needle came, the request to revisit the visitation issue. I am being selfish here and have enjoyed the quiet and calm. I am happy that the kids have found their emotional stability to do better in school. So I'm maybe a little selfish to want to keep that, but I know the kiddos want to see their mom. They just don't think about how it's going to affect them.
Today, another needle to my balloon... Mom couldn't send them a letter like they requested. No.no.no. She sent them a Christmas present. Nothing like a good bribe, right? I have to wonder how long it will be before she asks for these presents back. And then, if I wasn't finished yet... Let's ask to have the kids go visit their great grandma in the hospital. The children have lots of anxiety about relatives being hurt, killed, sick, etc. So let's go ahead and show them their fear.
Bravo.
So I'm left to have to make the adjustments. I'm left to pick up the pieces. But I don't want to. I don't want to at all. I'm too tired. I have too much with other things on my mind to have to deal with this. Postpone my surgery, may need to.Can one have an emotional stroke? A freeze up of sorts?
What does my friend say? Oh right, life isn't fair. Life most certainly isn't fair and I'll be sending the next months, or year making adjustments for the curve balls thrown at me.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Honey, I feel your pain I really do, but this is the job you asked for. Someday maybe you will be free of the mess with her, but I will bet now that every single time you have too many balls in the air something more with hit and everything you have been juggling will crash. You will be expected to pick up the pieces and make it all better, with no thanks most of the time. You can do this, and are good at it. (screaming and tearing your hair out is allowed!) I am here if you need me.
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