The doors we prefer to keep shut

We all have doors that we which would stay shut.  Things behind them are too painful. We try to keep them hidden. We try not to think about it. Yet, sometimes, curiosity leads us to that door.

My daughter just woke up from a "bad" dream.  She had a dream that she saw her momma.  She was happy. She turned her back and then instantly her momma was gone.

I know for her she wants to see her mom. She is afraid that she might never see her momma again. It's something I can promise for her. Even if there is a goodbye visit, I can't promise her that her momma will come. I can't promise her that when she gets older that she will find her momma.

And then there is the what if she does find her momma.  Will she want to open that door and try again at a relationship?  Will she dislike what she finds once she opens that door?  Perhaps her momma will move on. Start a new family and life without my precious princess. What if... more what if's...

I have my own doors that I wish I knew what laid behind them. Today I opened one of them.  I returned to my former church. Wondering how it would feel to even be in the building.  Oddly, it felt a little like home. I felt at peace. It was good to not be overwhelmed by seeing a lot of people I knew.  I kind of was able to sneak in and out.  It just felt good to be there.

Many months have gone by. I left for so many reasons... or so I thought.  Being there today, I realize some of my reasons may have been valid.  For instance, it's really hard to step down in serving.  It's hard to find your place once you do that... and you can feel a little lost.  But another reason we had... well... that was like building something on sand and expecting the waters to not wash it away.

I've opened the door. I've peaked in.  Not sure if I'm being lead to step all the way through the doorway or not. I do know that my reasons will NOW be better when I make a choice.

I know that I will listen to the One voice that leads me to be exactly where He wants me to be. Everything in this world fades.  Memories. Families. Friendships. Wealth. Jobs. Hurts.  Everything will fade.



Casting Crowns - Voice of Truth