The promised land

"Then the LORD said to him, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.”  ~Deuteronomy 34:4

A lot has been happening over the last month or so.  My dream of having children of my own appears to be coming closer and closer.  We were assigned an adoption worker. However, when she came out, she was very vague about any details because her agency was getting a  big overhaul and she didn't know if she would remain on the case.  As it were, the children's case was transferred to a new agency and therefore the ongoing case manager also changed.  No one seems to know (as of today) who will be our adoption worker. It's all kind of in the air.

Then, as the case was being transferred, we heard that the DA's office had the TPR referral to review.  The paralegal had to review it, gather more information and then pass it on to a DA to decide if they had grounds to proceed with a TPR (termination of parental rights).  The DA decided that there were grounds and the petition was filed this week. We have our initial appearance in court, later in the month.

It feels like I'm getting closer to the promised land. It feels like it's just over the hill.  I still have many fears and worries about reaching the promised land.  I have to prove to my doctor that I can get my health back under control so that he will believe that I am physically ok to become a parent. I've been very stressed out trying to make sure I take care of every last detail so that there isn't even one recommendation that I haven't followed.  (I even finally took new shoes to the cobbler to have built up for my leg length discrepancy!)  We have to get through the adoption home study and still be approved.  Then there is also trial and all the legal technical things to get through.  Our case is VERY technical.  Every little detail matters. It isn't nearly as cut and dry as many other cases.  (It would be my case that has to be detailed oriented right?  God didn't do that on purpose or anything... ahem).

Sometimes I fear that I will see the promise land... but I won't cross over.  But I'm trying to remember that God has plans for me and my family. He has plans for the birth families too.  These plans are not to harm us, but to grow us in our relationship with Him. I trust that however it turns out, God will be with me and my family. I love my family.  I just would also love to "officially" have them mine forever.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   ~Jeremiah 29:11