Right. It's Foster Care Awareness month. There you go folks, my public service announcement. But I'm not going to flatter you with the tag lines "turn a life around" or "make a difference to a child". Right. We all know that foster parents can make a difference. We can attempt to provide stability in an unstable situation.
But don't enter Foster Care land believing that things work "in the best interest of the children". Don't be deceived. Don't go in with your eyes closed. The ugly truth is that it isn't about the kiddos. These kiddos miss lots of their schooling. They have therapy appointments, medical appointments, evaluations, visitations, small groups etc. Don't mind their social schedule or their wishes. Cause that isn't a priority.
Don't mind that the parents are given a list of conditions for the return of their kiddos and don't really follow them. Or are inconsistent at best. Sure, your children wanted you to write to them for the last six months... what you say? Oh the judge should just order them to see you anyways?
I've come to the place where I don't think I'd ever be persuaded to do it again. It has shredded my heart to pieces. In some ways I feel numb. I feel like I've lost myself in this process. I feel like I'm losing more of myself everyday. There is a lot I wish I would have been told about fostering prior to getting into it. However, I might not have listened anyways.
For I am person who wears her heart on the outside. My heart breaks for what could be, what could have been, and what should be. I have to say, I am very AWARE of Foster Care... and the deceptions that come along with it.
My words of caution: Enter after prayerfully considering it and KNOW that God is leading you into it. It is an act of obedience to God. Make sure you have the support you need -- cause some days you will feel all alone in what you are going through. Make sure you have a sense of humor, you will need it when show and tell becomes more than just showing a collection of coins! Have no expectations -- Cause you'll never be let down. Don't believe what is told to you. You only get one side of the story and everyone plays games. Realize that the system isn't about helping the children. You may have their best interest in heart, but that alone will not move mountains to help them. The caseworker's job is to make sure PARENTS have all the services in place and that they have done everything for the PARENTS to ensure reunification.
Wanting to become a parent, by fostering to adopt -- is a big game of what if. It's a "try it on" kind of thing with very little certainty in regards to a life long commitment. It isn't your decision alone to make. It may take waiting to see if the children can be adopted -- that can take several years alone.
Don't forget who you are. Take time for yourself. Don't lose it in the shuffle of meetings, therapies, appointments, sports, home visitations, etc. Take time for your marriage. Talking about your hopes and dreams. Loving on each other. Some days are very hard and it helps to know you have a partner going through this with you.
Pray. Pray for your children, their families, their situation. Pray for your family and spouse. Pray that God continues to give you the strength to face every difficult day in your path with grace, patience and love.
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