Good Enough

"you'll never be good enough. If we could be good enough, if we could earn our way to heaven by doing good works, then Jesus would have never had to come and give His life for us. He knows that we can't do it, so He did it for us."  (A Woman's Secret to a Balanced Life by Lisa Terkeurst & Sharon Jaynes)

I'll never be good enough. As much as I try to be a loving wife. As much as I try to be the best momma. As much as I try to be the "professional" foster parent. I'll never be a good enough friend or the "peep" that I should be.  I will never be able to fix ALL the things and others around me. As much as I worry about what others think of me, I'll never have that 100% approval rating.  It's just, I'll never be good enough. And it's exhausting trying to be good enough.

Control -- Being Good Enough... Sometimes they look the same in my world.  I want the good favor of others. So do I want to control the situation around me to make me look good?  Yeah, probably I do. I want to look like I can handle it all. I want to look like I'm trying to be helpful. I want to look like that caring and nurturing mother to others.  I want to look... Good Enough.

Just the other day, I was reading by blog "bio".   I read my words " I'm constantly working on trusting God to handle all of the situations that I cannot control in 'foster care land'." Funny how after two plus years, I'm still working on that.  God keeps bringing things back into my life to refine me, to help me learn to let go. (And letting go is not the same thing as ignoring -- just so you don't stumble on that like I have!)  

God wants me to return to Him.  To be completely dependent on Him.  To not be thinking of ways on my own on how to fix every silly situation that I come across.  But to trust that he is Sovereign. That He has this all under control. To fix my eyes and heart on Him.  To call out in prayer for His help.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.  ~Psalm 139:23-24