The Hurricane...

I feel like I'm standing in the eye of the hurricane. I am not talking about the Milwaukee/Waukesha weather we have been having either. It feels like that scene in Wizard of Oz where Dorothy is in the house and she sees the people flying past her. But I don't know if I was ever in Kansas to begin with.

This week began with a revealing meeting at the coffee shop. I was renewed in strength from the Lord. I given courage and strength. My week has been a perfect foster care storm. My oldest child is upset with me because I am told that I have to do something and I don't have a choice. It slightly contradicts what we were previously told, but really it is a different circumstance. She doesn't see it that way. It hurts to see her so upset and I cannot do anything to make it better. I am tied to having to play my role in this storm.

I've had to see their birth mother on not one but three occasions this week. I also received a call that I will see her twice next week. It's hard to be so hated by a person. All I want is what is best for the children. I want to provide them with opportunities. I want to teach them about God's love and grace. I want to teach them integrity, responsibility, compassion/empathy and so much more.

I wonder in this storm what God's will is for all the players. I watch and wonder if the desires of my heart will be fulfilled. I grow anxious.

In the chaos, I see. I gave myself permission to cry. I gave myself permission to be upset. I don't feel alone. I feel that God has drawn near to me. He is with me in the eye of the storm. Sheltering me from the storm. Like a hurricane, the eye is peaceful, but the storm will move back over me. It is not finished yet. I will not be washed away. He will protect me. He will give me strength. He will work for my good. He will give me what I need to make it out of the storm so that I can glorify HIM through it.

"He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me." ~DCB