Humble Pie

Today I had to take one Princess to her appointment.  It wasn't a "standard appointment".  It was one at a hospital that required sedation.

My daughter was so brave.  She hid her nervousness pretty well (except for maybe the one time she did actually admit she was nervous).  We got her all dressed in her gown and fancy hospital slippers.  She waited patiently for an hour or so for her procedure.  She wasn't phased because she could just watch cartoons on TV.

Glancing at her, I saw how independent she really is.  How beautiful she is. How strong she has become.  I love this girl. And no matter how strong she looks, I still wanted to crawl up on that hospital bed and snuggle her, wrap my arms around her, protect her.  Of course, she probably would be embarrassed, so I settled for holding her hand.

After she was given some medication to help relax her, she got a little drowsy.  I held on to her. I prayed over her.  I sang her favorite lullaby complete with mommie's verse...

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when clouds are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
So please don't take my sunshine away

(mommy verse)
The other day when it got cloudy
And I thought you went away
You were there right beside me
And you never went astray

Repeat previous verse and add it name for (Please don't take my <child> away).

 It was really hard to hold it together when I was singing this to her.  I just felt overwhelmed by emotion.  For one, it was hard all morning going back and forth between the "your mom?" and "your foster mom."  Life would just be so less complicated if I can just plain and simple be mom. And like it isn't that far away...  And then seeing her be so vulnerable.  Seeing her comforted by the way I was just in the room for her, loving her.

It was humble pie. Even when I was finally able to be reunited with her, I had to get to her forehead to give it a big smooch.  I may have knocked over some nonessential medical equipment in the process... but they had that bed up so high and I'm short and well... I just needed to be with my daughter.  To touch her, to hug her, to kiss her.   To tell her the worse was over and I wasn't leaving her side.

Humble pie.  Realizing how much I love her.  Realizing that maybe there are moments where I don't slow down in life enough to just show her how much I love her.