Out of Control?

Control is something I have always struggled with.  It may not come as a shock to anyone that I'm a highly structured person. (Yep, you fell off your chair, didn't you?) I love everything that follows the rules.  It's why I made a great computer programmer. I could make up the rules for the non-computer folks. Cause you know we are thinking of you when we programmed those "idiot messages"... you know the ones that say "YOU CANNOT DO THAT!".  =)

Although, I realize the hypocrisy of my own "bending the rules", I thrive in all situations where the rules are being followed and enforced. For me, it's about safety and expectations. If people follow the rules, I know what they are going to do, how they are "supposed to treat me" and that safety will be maintained.  I believe that the abuse I suffered as a child really enforced my need for structure, rules and control.  

I feel like things are "in control" when everyone is playing by the rules, procedures and guidelines. Unfortunately, not everyone in my planet follows the said rules. They hurt my feelings. They don't do what is logical (especially in foster care land!). They break stuff or commitments or promises. I am left feeling like I have no control of the situation. I know logically, that I cannot change people or situations. Yet, it is difficult for me to not feel "out of control" when I have "no control".

I see it in some of my friends who have a wounded heart from past hearts. They also want to feel "in control". But when they realize that it is out of their control, they are very freaked out. I get it. I really do. I have been there too. When out of control begins to feel helpless and hopeless, it's easier to avoid. It's easier to not seek help. It's easier to blame or be in denial. It's hard to see through the situation when everything around you seems to be spinning further and further out of control.

I found this little clip today that speaks about being out of control.  First of all, Lisa TerKurst acknowledges that everyone has "melt downs". I really liked the concept of three buckets. (1) Out of my Control (2) In my Control (3) Under my Influence.  What a great filter to look at situations! Often I'm thinking things are out of my control and I begin to act out of control. I need to switch my focus. I can change my reaction to the situation.  I'm also not hopeless or helpless because I can always keep some influence.

Hope you enjoy this clip. I sure did.




Never worry about anything. Instead, in every situation let your petitions be made known to God through prayers and requests, with thanksgiving.

Phil 4:6 (NIV)