When You Say Nothing At All

This past Saturday came and went. I didn't realize it until now, but my twins have been living with us for 18 months now.  It just amazes me how long it has been and yet how quickly the time has gone. I remember that  a couple months after the twins had moved here, we met with the Guardian ad Litem's social worker. He had asked us if we had bonded with the children. We said yes.

Looking back at it, it seems so funny. I thought I was bonded and loved these children. I realize now, just how much more my love has grown. It has become a protective, unconditional, and so much more personal type of love. It is not the same love that existed over a year ago. It is much deeper. It covers so much more. It continues to hope for the best of all things for them. It's more humbling than I could imagine.

Each time I apologize or acknowledge that I am not perfect...
Every time I comfort a sorrow or kiss away a tear...
Every time I witness them do something for the first time...
Each time I see them try again...
Each time I watch them light up and smile and be goofy and everything children should be...
Every time I get to hug them...

I just can't explain it.  I don't know if I would feel this same way if these children came from my body. I kind of imagine that I would. Or would I take every thing for granted?  I hope I never find myself in a place that I take what I have for granted. My loving husband has shared in this experience so much. We laugh when we say how much the children are like us.  I love when my oldest says "mom, I had a blond moment!" I love how they are learning the life lessons that I've been striving to teach them.  (Like when my hubby under cooked the chicken and they asked "Why is he making a big deal of it? Don't you just fix the problem?").  They are seeing forgiveness and grace. They are seeing love and encouragement. I see goodness and hope in each of them. I love when I look at them and just completely melt.

When I was listening to the radio this week, I was reminded of a song.  The lyrics were:

"The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all" ~ Alison Krauss

I know that I tell them over and over again how much I love them. My Princess says, "mom, you always say that". I reply with "yes, and I'll keep saying it over and over again".  But I see it in their eyes. They are reaching an understanding that we do love them. We aren't going anywhere. We don't need a judge to say that they are ours and we are theirs. For our hearts already belong to each other. I don't need to say it with words, they know it from my consistency and my actions. The words are just icing on the cake.