Love being broken

Ever notice that when things are going well you feel like you are riding high in the sky? Perhaps things are going so well that you don't notice any worries. You feel happy. You are excited.  I love that feeling. But it just a moment of time. It never seems to last long. It quickly fades into memory and falls into the long lost photographs in storage.

I love that feeling of happiness. I have many happy moments in life. One was when I reunited with my husband. We dated when I was in high school. I got to college and thought the grass was greener on the "other side". So I promptly dumped him. After a bitter breakup, I realized that no other guy would ever compare to my love. No one would measure up to what I lost. I remember praying that I would get a second chance, thinking it was a long shot. As fate would have it, I did get a chance at reconnecting with the love of my life. We got back together at a friend's wedding. I remember the first dance together. It was incredible to feel the rush of returning together. I knew that moment that he was the one for me. I never have doubted it since. Being married remains one of my happiest moments in my life.

Even though I love those joyous moments, I do appreciate the low points in my life. It's through the rough patches that I am changed. It's when I make it out of those periods of times that I have moments of pure joy. Life isn't easy. Mine certainly hasn't been. My parents were divorced before I was 6 years old. Being separated from my father wasn't easy for me. I feel like I still am paying a price for my parents decisions. I was hurt by someone that was supposed to care for me and protect me. I struggled trying to find a career and being happy at a job. My financial decisions ultimately led me to the cross. I realized then that I couldn't do it all on  my own. I needed to be saved from so much.

Would I trade any of that?  No. It is who I am. It is how I've seen God work in my life. He used it to draw me closer into relationship. Being a parent now, my eyes are opened to see God's love in a whole new light. I love my children so very much. I hate seeing their disappointments, hurts and suffering. I wish I could protect them from everything. Being a parent though, I have to let them fail sometimes. I have to wait patiently for them to come ask me for help. I don't want the bad to happen, but sometimes I have to allow it. Then tenderly pick them up, hug them and be with them for their consequence.

It just makes me think about how much God loves me. How much more does God love my children than I do? God's love and grace is so vast. Even though we go through these trials, God never forsakes us. He remains with us. Today I appreciate my brokenness. It is through my weaknesses that I more clearly see God and my heart rests knowing that I desperately need Him at the reins of my life.