Happy New Year... or is it?

Well, my family and I made it into the new year. It seems that a new year is supposed bring hope and a "renewing"of sorts. However, I think my life missed that memo. It has been a hard couple of weeks. The kiddos have not been consistent with going to visits. They seem to have emotional turmoil of sorts. Little minds that are processing everything that is going on. They ask the hard questions and demand real answers.

2011 doesn't come with any promises. I can't tell them that this is the year that they will return home or that they will become part of our family. In fact, there is a good chance by the end of the year, that foster care land may not have made that decision yet. So we sit and wait.

I haven't really made any of those New Year resolutions, because frankly, I don't need something else to fail at. I am overwhelmed and have reached my threshold of stress. Some are happy stresses. Like my best friend (whom I've known since 1st grade) is getting married. Did I mention that it is 2 months away? Some of it is normal stress, like getting all of my kiddos to behave themselves at school. It's like I'm juggling way too many balls in the air and I'm just about to let one drop and hit the floor.

Yes. The illusion of control.

Max Lucado summed it up nicely in his book, "Traveling Light". He wrote:

And He is ungoverned. Counselors can comfort you in the storm, but you need a God who can still the storm. Friends can hold your hand at your deathbed, but you need a Yahweh who has defeated the grave. Philosophers can debate the meaning of life, but you need a Lord who can declare the meaning of life.

I don't know why I think I can do it all myself. I know better. Trying to pretend that I could handle everything on my own brought me to my knees. It made me realize that I needed a Savior that is filled with love and compassion. Yet, I start with one thing thinking "Yep. I'm doing ok. Sure. A second thing, that won't be hard." Where does that lead me to? Back to my knees.

2011 will probably be more of the same. A whole lot of somethings that I can't control. I don't need a New Year's resolution. I need to be on my knees praying more. Praying that God will help me in this area of my life. That I won't fall down this slippery slope again. He is working on me. It's probably why he choose fostercare for me. (You know, so I have zero control!)

He is a God of compassion. He is a God that provides. He is a God that loves. He is a God who wants to help. He is merciful and gives me "Do-Overs". He gives me hope that each day can be better.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, 

and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. 

God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes".  

(Matt 6:34 MSG)