Walking out into sunshine

It's been a rough start of the year.  I thought things might be easier once we have a TPR (termination of parental rights) in place.  However, the caseworker and I have been going back and forth for two months now trying to move services for our kiddos closer to home. It's taken a lot of work to find new providers that take their insurance and to get paperwork needed and consents signed.  It is a lot of waiting... and more waiting... and more waiting... Some of it is beginning to line up, while other items have gone back to square one.

It's been trying in finding ways to help support my son in school.  He seems to have a very difficult time concentrating and focusing.  It's difficult for him to be still and quiet.  It can be disruptive. I know he isn't doing it to be naughty... rather it's something he really cannot completely control. As a mom, I just want to be able to fix everything. I don't want things to get in his way of being successful. I can see his potential. I see how smart he is.

If my children were not enough on my plate, I've been struggling with my marriage. Marriage is hard. It's difficult. It's challenging. It isn't all good. I've been angry and upset.  I don't want to fix one more thing. I'm tired and exhausted. Yet, I know that I do love. I know that right now, that love is still carrying me and is keeping me from giving up.

Life is difficult. Life can be depressing. Life can downright feel sucky.

I know that God has foreseen my valley before I step foot into it.  He has already thrown ropes down to me to help. You see, prior to my marriage hitting a rocky part, God had already given us an opportunity to join a group at church for parents of special needs kiddos. It's kind of ironic that we are doing a marriage study right now. God knew it was what we needed and had the seeds planted ahead of time. He even had worked on my hubby's heart so that before I knew that we needed this, my hubby would already say yes to it.

My son's homeroom teacher and the resource teacher at the school are enrolled to take a Trauma Informed class.  I think this will be a HUGE help as they will get training on how trauma has effected my kiddos brains and what techniques they can use at school to help him be more calm.  I believe this was a blessing from God as districts have been tightening up on what they spend money on.

I also have the miracle of a director coming to my son's appointment so that the required signatures can be done.  This person is the "whose who" of child welfare.  I'm sure she has many important things to do, and yet, she's going to come and spend an hour with us so my son can get help. Again, this can only be a blessing of God.

In the midst of this, I know that I will get a break. A time for me to reflex and rejuvenate at the women's retreat. I'm very blessed by two women who will let me "bunk" in their room. Both of them have been very inspirational to me and hold a special place in my heart. I am looking forward to that special weekend to see how God will speak to me.  

So I know that things have been dark for me. I've been worried and anxious. God has shown me that He knows what I need before I know. He's answered prayers that I didn't know yet needed to be answered. Things that are so amazing that I know He had His hand on it.

I hope that I will always remember His hands reaching down for me and my family. 

Philippians 4:6-7 (NLT)

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.